Who I Am
Being an ordinary person, why am I writing this? For the same reason that I share what I have learned in the other areas on this site - to help anyone facing the same problems I face. We all face the same basic problems and, sooner or later, encounter the same questions and doubts in tackling them. We are all born traumatically from a place of comfort, safety and peace into a shocking, uncomfortable, confusing and frightning world. We all go through agonies, as easily forgotten as being born, as we grow through childhood and adolescence. As adults, we battle our fears and weaknesses as we try to hold up a front of security, competence and contentment, and struggle to communicate through a frustrating array of obstacles and distractions. And sooner or later, we are forced to deal with the mortality stalking us since being born.
It isn't just my problems that are not special. I have no special claim to God, nothing about me that entitles me to any favor, privilege or blessings that are not available and due to everyone else. Although I have learned a great deal about God, and am eager to share it, I believe that everyone has this same role - to learn and to teach about God - and we only differ temporarily in how far along we have gotten. I don't mean by saying this to undermine the value of what I have learned. It has totally transformed my life and the quality of life, reolved life-long problems and, most importantly, gives me opportunities to empower and bless others permanently. How quickly I learn about God seems to be determined by how motivated I am to do it, and that motivation seems natural, already present, just needing to be cleared of countless distractions, misconceptions, doubts and fears to work.
Why You Should Care
I didn't care when I was young. I took pride in my understanding of the materialistic worldview, which I considered more extensive than that of most other people. But it didn't make me happy, and I don't think it makes other materialists happy either. It led me to attempting suicide, as it has done for others who loked deeply, such as Ludwid Boltzman. And although most people seem not to look as deeply into the belief system as I do, and manage to live their lives, there is a downward spiral that happens when believing something with worthless conclusions. It isn't easy to see this problem from the middle of the belief system, the part where cell phones work miracles and men can be sent to the moon. It is seen at the fringes, the extremes - birth and death, times long ago and long to come, the biggest and smallest scale, and the emotions and values. Scince does explain some things very well, but other things it explains terribly or leads to horrible conclusions - does God play dice with the universe? The answers offered by materialism are unsettling, even terrifying. The answers offered by religion are, I must admit, also unsettling and terrifying, despite the promises of joy and peace of mind to the believer. But in the latter case, I have found this conflict to be temporary. I claim that it is possible to find an understanding of God which is not frightening, which addresses the universal questions and dounbts we all harbor about life and the world and God, and which offers hope of completion despite taking a long time to complete.
Background
My dad was literally a rocket scientist, extremely well educated and self-taught, deeply immersed in the physics, mathematics and engineering that is central to materialism. Despite his success and the tremendous respect he received he wasn't happy, he cried in his Jack Daniels, read Final Exit, and described his outlook as "bleak" on his deathbed. When we first talked about Christianity, he said he might have to disown me, said he didn't want to be dishonest, and asked how he could believe something when he knew it wasn't true. But he persevered, I think, because he realized the failings of the worldview we had invested so heavily in. I wish I had been more articulate in addressing his questions while he was alive. The Bible anticipates the objection that we feel we must be dishonest to believe in God, because the historical accounts in the Bible seem ridiculous or because it contradicts our observations and experience. The Bible says that our worldview seems like foolishness to one who shares the knowledge of God. From my experience, having seen it both ways, I would say that the reverse is also true - that the knowledge of God seems like foolishness to the materialist. But I can also assure that it isn't necessary to betray one's honestly nor to forsake sanity nor logic to transition between the belief systems. The gateway between them presents itself at the assumption of what is fundamentally real - mindless, heartless, meaningless physical laws governing matter and energy, or eternal consciousness, awareness, intelligence and love that give rise to the universe we now experience. The assumption of which is fundamentally real - mind or matter - can be chosen rationally and does not require any self-betrayal to consider. On the surface it may seem obvious that matter be the preferred assumption, based on the realization that a mind giing rise to the cruel world we perceive would necessitate a cruel mind. I hope to explain a satisfactory model which would account for the world we perceive despite the fundamental reality consisting of a completely loving, highly intelligent and omnipotent mind.
I've broken down this account into these sections:
Assumptions - important
Who/what is God?
How can God not be a monster?
Who is Jesus?
What is the Bible?
How does prayer work?
Entheogens