Date: Mon, 16 Mar 1998 18:04:07 EST
From: HSL123 <HSL123@aol.com>
To: Multiple recipients of list <ibogaine@ibogaine.org>
Subject: An experience

I was asked to post this series of Ibogaine experiences to the list.  It was
both the work and experiences of others.

Howard
=====================================================
The first time I heard about Ibogaine I knew it was what I wanted.  I was so
intrigued by the stories I had read and then by the things directly related to
me from people who had actually been fortunate enough to find it.  The more I
read, researched, heard, the more I knew this was what I had been searching
for my whole life.  I have never been addicted to any kind of opiates but I
most certainly have had my trials with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and coffee.
The way I heard about Ibogaine was in my search for a REAL treatment of opiate
addiction for my husband.  One day I was told to go to the web and look up
Ibogaine.  Ever since I read the dossier that day I have been on a mission to
find it.

The search seemed to go on forever and never materialized into anything but
dead-ends.  I could not afford the initial $17,000 price tag that it held and
was convinced that there had to be a cheaper way to obtain the precious root.
My god!!  You can walk through the "drug" area of any city and find more
heroin and more people willing to sell it to you than a couple of green buds
these days.  But try to find the alkaloids of an african plant and you run
into a brick wall every where you turn.  After being fortunate enough to
finally find it, I now understand why the powers that be are terrified that
such a mind opening, knowledge bearing plant ever be let loose in society.  We
just might win this drug problem that seems to plague us.

I had to travel to a foreign country where experimental use of the plant is
not yet illegal.  That was a TRIP in itself.  On my first full day I took 25mg
of Plant Total Alkaloid (PTA) which contains 75% ibogaine.  I could feel a new
sensation in my body--one that I had never felt before.  It was not
uncomfortable, just different from any other drug I had used before, and I
have experimented with many. Besides the strange new sensation in my body, I
had no other effects. 

Day 2:  I took 50mg of PTA with slightly more sensation in my body than the
day before and this time a kind of amphetamine jumpiness but still no other
effects.

Day 3:  I took 100mg of PTA in the morning and this time had some fuzziness in
my head and the body sensations were much more intense.  Later that afternoon
I took another 100mg and within an hour of taking the second dose I began to
feel an intense trip coming on.  Smells and noises became much clearer and
more pronounced.  My head began to feel as if it were being packed with
knowledge and there was so much going on that I wasn't sure what was
happening.  I began to see things.  The first really intense thing I saw was
myself running through the rainforest of Africa with members of my bwiti
family.  It seemed I ran forever until I came upon the largest Eboka tree
ever.  I "knew" it was the grandfather of all the eboka plants.  That it had
shed its seeds to allow for more plants to grow and prosper in the rainforest.
It was more like an enormous shrub.  When I approached the tree, I could see
dancing gazelles in its huge leafy branches.  Dancing and spinning and
laughing and sharing their knowledge of ages past.  As their eyes would meet
mine, I would understand something new---I call this "the knowing".  A way of
being given knowledge directly into my brain.  Or maybe opening up the locked
doors of my mind that already existed.  Knowledge from ages past.  Time seemed
to go fast and then very slow.  I lost about four hours and I am not very sure
what happened because time was irrelevant.  I wondered why I had been chosen
for this journey and was told or "knew" that it was just the way that it was
supposed to be.  I am special and was given this gift for specific reasons
although I am still not sure of all of those reasons.
The next visuals were not as long or intense.  I was with an egyptian woman
dressed as I know to be royalty.  The gold and jeweled head dress and
neckwear.  She showed me things that I can't even describe in english.  This
was another "knowing" session.  I also went somewhere and was walking
alongside a king with a large jeweled crown  and long purple robe.  This king
sent more knowledge to me also.  The last visual I experienced was of myself
walking with the sacred cows of India.  I was a sacred white cow and was shown
more knowledge from the viewpoint of a sacred animal.  This visual caused me
to struggle with my eating meat and is still a physical and mental struggle
for me.  

At that point I wasn't sure if I would ever be given the opportunity to use
ibogaine again but I was told/shown that I needed to go further.  I had seen,
been shown a knowledge I never realized existed.  It has always been there
inside of me, tempting, tormenting me in this life.  Ibogaine was the key to
unlocking that knowledge.

I have not mentioned the fact that while all of this was going on, my husband
had begun his own journey into the world of Ibogaine.  It was very hard on me
emotionally and pieces of our life and relationship began to surface in the
form of strong visions in which I had to make some choices.  It was the
"knowing".  I began to sob as I had to begin the process of letting go of him
emotionally.  I knew I could no longer carry the weight of his addiction on my
shoulders.  I had to let go of the burden and responsibility of his choices
and his choice of using opiates.  I expressed this verbally and could not
believe the weight that was lifted.  I was finally free.  I have my own
theories about ibogaine but I "know" them to be truth and not theories now.
Later that night I fell asleep and had the most incredible, colorful vision of
my entire trip so far.   I was with my husband and we entered a huge
house/church/castle --- I am having trouble describing it in words.  We had
been told that the house was haunted? evil? a place where no one returns?  I'm
not really sure.  But there was an old man who had owned/lived/built this
place and would not allow anyone to claim it.  He had died or left it and it
had fallen into ruin.  There was a huge dome in the roof that had an ornate
metal cover over the window looking up into the sky.  It was black as night
and I wondered why I couldn't see the light that should be shining through it.
Immediately I "knew" that the "old man" was up in that cover blocking the
light and no one had been able to figure it out.  I asked him to please show
me the light.  He came out and told me he was pleased that I had finally
discovered the truth and that he was giving me the house/church or maybe I
should say kingdom to repair.  It was our gift to rebuild this life.  And the
light shone through.  This is what I choose to call my finding "God".  I awoke
and relayed this to my husband.  I spent a while awake thinking about these
things I had been shown.  Then I fell asleep and had a good nights rest.

Day 4:  I didnt take any Ibogaine the next morning.  I wanted to talk with my
guides about doing a large dose to go further.  It didn't work out so I ended
up taking another small dose of 200mg PTA.  I once again experienced the body
sensations and the jumpiness.  My mind was a little fuzzy but I knew that I
hadn't taken enough to go any further.  It certainly didn't have the same
effect as the two separate 100mg doses.  I slept very well again which
surprised everyone who has used it themselves.  I was also extremely hungry
which is not normal when using Ibogaine.  I was a special case indeed.

Day 5:  I didnt take any Ibogaine at all.  Instead I spent the day as a
tourist. 

Day 6:  After discussing with my guides my need to go further we had arranged
for my largest dose to be taken that day.  Because I am female and I dont
weigh very much, and the fact that I am not an opiate addict, my guides were
concerned with the amount I should take.  We decided to try a dose of 500mg.
It was my choice to use the PTA or to use the pure Ibogaine.  I decided on the
pure Ibogaine.  Everything went smoothely.  However, I didn't experience the
same kind of things that most people who use it do.   I was very restless and
it was difficult for me to remain lying down flat.  I felt like talking about
some of the things going on in my head and I was starving.  I "knew" that I
hadnt taken enough and after 2 hours I asked if I could take more.  I was
given another 200mg of pure Ibogaine.  I again laid down in the bed and began
to visualize.  The most important vision to relay dealt with my addiction to
cigarettes.  I saw myself putting a cigarette out in an ashtray and was asked
if I was willing to let go.  I was not willing at that point.  The ashtray
became a metal tube--a sewage pipe--and I was pulled downward still clutching
the cigarette butt in my fingers.  I was asked again if I was willing to let
go and I was not.  I was being pulled faster and faster and was spinning as I
was being "flushed" down the sewer still unwilling to let go of it.  I was
beginning to feel nauseous from the spinning and force of being pulled further
downward.  I knew that cigarettes were going to make me sick.  But I refused
to let go.  I then opened my eyes and sat up to stop the vision since I had
made my choice not to let go at that time.  I got up and out of bed a couple
of hours later to go to the bathroom.  While in the bathroom I decided to go
out and have a cigarette.  Before I could reach the table where they were, I
began to throw up.  So I decided that I better not try to smoke---at least
until I felt better.  I could taste the root coming up and my guide was
disappointed that he wouldnt be able to analyze it to find out how much of the
root I actually lost.  It didnt taste as bad as everyone had warned me about.
I actually think liquid goldenseal is about the worst tasting herb I have ever
tried.  I laid back down because I was feeling sick and told my guide that I
would be fine alone with my husband and that I just wanted to sleep.  So he
left us and I slept until early the next morning when I awoke and got up.  I
was still tired and wanted more sleep but we were leaving early on a train to
visit another place and be tourists again, so I stayed awake until later that
afternoon and fell asleep for a while on the train.  That was my last dose, I
decided not to take anymore. 

I wish to dose again in the future because I feel like I need another chance
to go further.  But even if I never do get the chance again, I am satisfied
with all the information and knowledge I acquired from those 5 days.