Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 13:10:20 EST
To: Multiple recipients of list <>
Subject: Ibogaine experience from another list

The following is my experience with Ibogaine. The statement "words

cannot describe..." is an understatement.

I ingested the Ibogaine in the evening of December 1st, 1997. After 45

minutes the first wave hit. I had no nausea with the ibo coming on or

through the entire journey. Then the second wave hit. The best way to

describe the waves would be a freight train plowing through my energy

field. During each wave there was an accompanying sound - something like

thin fiberglass rods coming out of my ears that were whirling around

just below the speed of sound. The second wave backed off. I then was in

blackness and I could see my body laying in my bed as I floated away

from it up to the ceiling. I passed through the ceiling into the night

sky. I could feel myself going further up to the stars then slowly

descending through some trees I had never seen before.  When I touched

down on  land I realized I was in Africa. I then felt my skull split

open and hinged back. I looked up into the African night and saw two

giant black hands pouring what looked like sand into my brain. It was

shimmering down all around me and I realized it was the Ibogaine being

poured into my brain. As the ibogaine hit my brain I could feel/hear/see

my brain lighting up like a switch board. I was then back in my bed. The

Ibo was seeming to say "Are you ready?" I was. The final wave was quite

intense. . .  After the third wave I felt as if my whole body was being

violently shaken. I then had my whole body lifted off the bed by the ibo

and swung from side to side in a 300 degree arc. It wasn't frightening.

My sense was the Ibogaine was showing me its power. It was powerful!!!

 I was then laid back down. I heard a voice say, "Here are some of the

things we can do. Do you want to see what your niece will look like at

27?" I replied, "Yes." A three dimensional  image of her flashed up and

then I saw her morph from 13 to 27. Then they did the same thing with

another person taking them from age 50 to 6. I was told this is only a

small example of what was capable. I started shaking/vibrating violently

(it felt that way at least). The whirring sound got louder and louder. I

started shaking more violently. Then my stomach was blown wide open and

brilliant red 20 foot flames started spewing out. It was very intense

but there was no fear with the experience. Out of the flames rose a HUGE

red man. I realized this was my repressed male red energy - and he was

angry.... He had his fists in the air and was swaying back and forth

pounding his fists. He was also yelling. While he was still doing this

the red flames changed to blue light/smoke that was spewing forth all

around the Red Energy Man. I realized this was all the grief and sadness

that I had stored for 34 years.

Everything went still. I then saw to my right a African man with white

hair and a beard and wearing a loincloth. I walked over to him. I heard

Bwiti (the Ibogaine spirit) say "This is your guide."  I asked Bwiti if

I could ask the man his name. I was told I could. The man said "Moka." I

laughed! I told Bwiti I could not have a guide named "Mocha," that was

coffee... As soon as I said that two words flashed up "rebellion" and

"self importance". Then Bwiti got EXTREMELY angry and yelled, "HIS NAME

IS MOKA!!!!! M-O-K-A!!!! MOKA!!!!"  I apologized. Moka told me that I

was now in the second phase of my process. He explained, "We had to

remove all your repressed emotions so we could teach you these new

things. The key is to not allow yourself to store so many emotions. What

is important is to speak in the moment so every emotion moves as it

happens. A person should look like this." I then saw the image of a

women walking with a rainbow streaming out of her body. Each color

representing an emotion. There were slight "hills and valleys" to the

rainbow. Moka explained, "Emotions need to be fluid, a cry should come

as easy as a laugh. Some people in your life abuse their emotions by

holding them and expressing them later. They need to live in the now."


I'm not sure of the exact timing of this but at some point the Ibogaine

seemed to have wore off a bit. I was laying in bed thinking, "This is

it? $2000.00 dollars for this? This sucks!!! Ibogaine sucks!"

Then the word "trust" popped up. I thought "O.K. - the

experience" The word "listen" popped up. I listened. Two seconds later I

could here the phone ring in the next room. This was the proof I was

looking for... Bwiti said listen and then the phone rang.  At that

moment I had a bodily felt reference and total understanding of

shamanism/plant allies/the spirit world and the true power of Ibogaine.

(Conveying all the details and magic with words is difficult.)

Also at this time I was standing with Moka when Bwiti interrupted us and

said "Look!"  Suddenly to my right was the Earth. It was about the size

of a large beach ball. Bwiti seemed to be holding the Earth and

literally pushing it right into my face. I then saw a large bulldozer

come over the top of the Earth tearing the Earth in half. As this was

happening I could hear the Earth screaming, "HELP ME!!! PLEASE HELP

ME!!!!!"  I was the pushed/shoved to a desk where a blank book was.

Bwiti informed me that I was to write a book called "How to Save the

Earth - A Manifesto for Change". A pen was in my hand and I started

writing down what Moka was saying. The first line was, "Our Earth is

dying." There was other dialog that I cannot remember. I seemed to just

get started and I was told Phase Two was beginning.

Phase Two: Conditioning Awareness Program

Phase two consisted of 100's of scenarios where I was put into a past

situation or a "made-up" one.  These events were all done  symbolically.

For example: I realized what I was learning was about choice. A week

before my journey the word choice kept popping into my head. I then had

the thought this has come...ahhh....ahhh... I then looked down and there

was a dog running around a concrete ring on the side of a hill... the

phrase "Full Circle" flashed in front of me. It was as if a special way

of teaching had been developed specifically for my being. As I would

walk through each scenario I had to make different decisions. If the

thought was incorrect a sign would flash up with a word describing my

thought/action. The three main words I kept encountering were trust,

rebellion and the phrase "the need to please." Others were: lie,

co-dependence, distraction, fear and several I can't remember. It was

like I was walking down a maze. Wrong thought go the other way... until

you reach "the truth." Through this whole phase Moka was walking with


Phase three: Question and Answer Period

I was then asked by Moka if I had any questions for him. I did. I asked

about emotions. I told him I need to go further into my emotions. He

reminded me that all past emotions had been removed from me. I then

asked what about my parents.  I know there has to still be a lot of

energy left around them.

Moka then walked me out to the edge of a giant plateau. We were at the

very edge. In the distance were five grey cubes suspended by a cable

that stretched to the sky. On each cube was a very faint black and white

image of a family member. Moka said, "There is your family, do you feel

anything?"  I didn't. No anger. No co-dependence. No energy hooks into

the past. Moka then told me that my emotional healing was going to take

place after the Ibo journey and that my mate was to be my guide. Also

that this emotional healing would be dealing with emotions in the "now,"

not the past. I was also informed that I would need to "relearn what

love is." I was informed that this could be taught with the Ibo but my

task was to learn it on my own.

What followed was an hour or so of Q & A. I would ask a question and I

would get an answer either in the form of a written or verbal message or

in a scenario. For example: I asked the question, "What is the nature of

core healing?" I then found myself falling face first through the sky,

through trees and as I was ready to smash into the dirt I stopped. The

word "earth" appeared in the dirt. The nature of core healing for me was

more earth connection. I asked questions about career, relationships,

future children (which I was shown) ,and  explanations of the fantasy

bond and aspect identification. Several of my questions were around

concepts that I had been using prior to the Ibogaine for my own healing.

Concepts that I understood but did not totally grasp. The Ibogaine

allowed me to assimilate these concepts in every cell  of my body. Once

again the Ibogaine seems to develop a specific form of teaching that

allows the user to understand things on a whole new level. Ibogaine has

the gift of pure insight.

Phase Three: Redoing the Past

I eventually ran out of questions...... there was a period of

"nothingness." I remember someone coming in to check in on me and me

telling them, "I think it's beginning to wear off."  The minute I said

that I was slammed by the Ibogaine. "Never mind," I said.

I found myself in a huge field. In the field were various mounds of

dirt. I was to discover that each mound of dirt was a past event that I

had not fully dealt with. So I spent the next several hours going from

mound to mound redoing my past. I would walk up to a mound, put my hand

on it and a specific scenario would open up. I then got the insight of

what created each event and that I was responsible for the choice I made

in that moment. I also had the opportunity to rechoose each decision or

thought process.

I asked Moka why I had to go through these past experience if there were

no longer any emotions tied to them. I was told that it was part of my

retraining and to gain wisdom.

Towards the end of this experience I saw myself as a 6 year old boy with

a small wagon behind me. On the wagon was a grey cube similar to the

ones I saw earlier as my family. There was no top to the cube and inside

the cube it was empty. The wagon and cube then turned to a charcoal

shell. Suddenly I saw what seemed to be the hand of Bwiti and it crushed

the wagon and cube. This cube represented the emotional baggage of my

life that I had been hauling around for  the past 34 years. When Bwiti

crushed it I felt a wave of sadness and loneliness, I had just lost a

part of myself that I knew quite well.  This was followed by a great

sense of freedom from the past.

What followed was a series of what I call "whumpings". The first was my

Mother.  The image of her giving birth to me appeared. She was in a

delivery room with her legs in stirrups. I had just "arrived". I could

see my placenta hanging out of her. Bwiti's hand came down and scooped

me up. My Mother turned to charcoal, then a hand came down and "whumped"

her turning her to black dust. All my past girlfriends then appeared in

charcoal form and were "whumped". Bwiti got to one girlfriend that he

could not crush. He tried again. Nothing happened. I felt myself pushed

towards her. There were some unresolved issues with her that had not

been dealt with. I worked them out, saw how I had energy hooks still in

her cleared these, and then she got "whumped".

In writing this now it seems rather heartless and sadistic to have your

Mother and old girlfriends "crushed". But I see this process as a total

completion to the past. I no longer feel the co-depedence with these


Insights Gained

To say I gained a thousand new insights would not be an exaggeration. My

life has been forever changed. The strongest message for me was to "slow

down!"  I also learned of all the tricks/techniques/distraction I have

developed to avoid feelings. And how I have been addicted to feeling bad

about myself and sabotaging my own life. The fact that I create my own

reality now has a new depth to it. The Ibogaine showed me who I am at my

very core without any conditioning, tied up emotions or energy - my true

essence. It gave me  an extended glimpse of what's possible as a

self-actualized human. It then also gave me the tools and training to

achieve this pureness. Ibogaine is not a means to an end. After the

experience you are not "fixed."  It is up to me to make the choices, to

use the tools.

Twenty Days Later

During my Ibogaine experience I was given a chance to see myself at my

true essence. Since the journey I have deviated from that true essence-

but not far. The insights gained are still there. Unfortunately so is

all of my conditioning/head trips. But what I have now is a better form

of dealing with these. My life has also slowed down. I find I cannot rev

like I use to. I can't do 6 things at once staying in a state of

perpetual distraction. The phrase, "Be Here Now" pops up frequently. I

am looking into a major career change out of corporate America into some

type of counselling/guide work. My relationship with my fiance has taken

a quantum leap of truth and love. This has been the greatest gift of the

Ibogaine. I am relearning what love is.

Tips for Use

Do not eat for 12 hours prior to the ingestion of the Ibogaine. Do not

drink water for at least 5 hours prior. There is a component of the

Ibogaine that does not want you to get out of bed (or even move!).

To get up to urinate would be extremely difficult for the first 6-8

hours. Your body feels like it weighs about 900 pounds. Also movement =

body spins. I made the mistake of rolling on to my side which produced

10 minutes of the most intense bed spins of my life! So once the

Ibogaine kicks in - Do Not Move!!! I would also recommend keeping noise

to a minimum. My hearing was turned up to the level where I could here a

pin drop five miles away. You hear EVERYTHING. So if you have friends

staying with you silence is the rule. As far as being guided through the

journey I feel it is best to allow the Ibogaine to do that. Keep all

interruptions to a minimum.

The hallucinatory component of the Ibogaine lasted approximately 30

hours for me. They seem to come and go. One minute you can be in

conversation with someone and five minutes later you are seeing jeweled

boxes and binary coding coming out of the ceiling. The hallucinations

are extremely real!!! What I was seeing with my eyes closed I could see

if my eyes were open.

The physical aspect of the Ibogaine lasted approximately 20 hours +.  It

has a VERY slow taper effect. At no time did I feel ill or that I had

ingested anything toxic into my body. The Ibogaine felt extremely pure

in my body.

Final Note

What happened to me was obviously my experience. In conversation with

other friends who have done Ibogaine each experience was unique. Some

friends had little to no hallucinations. One friend got extremely

nauseous. The variety of experience is equivalent to the variety of

personalties. Whatever happens to you is your experience- custom

designed for what you need.