Date: Thu, 22 Jan 1998 13:10:20 EST
To: Multiple recipients of list <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Ibogaine experience from another list
The following is my experience with Ibogaine. The statement "words
cannot describe..." is an understatement.
I ingested the Ibogaine in the evening of December 1st, 1997. After 45
minutes the first wave hit. I had no nausea with the ibo coming on or
through the entire journey. Then the second wave hit. The best way to
describe the waves would be a freight train plowing through my energy
field. During each wave there was an accompanying sound - something like
thin fiberglass rods coming out of my ears that were whirling around
just below the speed of sound. The second wave backed off. I then was in
blackness and I could see my body laying in my bed as I floated away
from it up to the ceiling. I passed through the ceiling into the night
sky. I could feel myself going further up to the stars then slowly
descending through some trees I had never seen before. When I touched
down on land I realized I was in Africa. I then felt my skull split
open and hinged back. I looked up into the African night and saw two
giant black hands pouring what looked like sand into my brain. It was
shimmering down all around me and I realized it was the Ibogaine being
poured into my brain. As the ibogaine hit my brain I could feel/hear/see
my brain lighting up like a switch board. I was then back in my bed. The
Ibo was seeming to say "Are you ready?" I was. The final wave was quite
intense. . . After the third wave I felt as if my whole body was being
violently shaken. I then had my whole body lifted off the bed by the ibo
and swung from side to side in a 300 degree arc. It wasn't frightening.
My sense was the Ibogaine was showing me its power. It was powerful!!!
I was then laid back down. I heard a voice say, "Here are some of the
things we can do. Do you want to see what your niece will look like at
27?" I replied, "Yes." A three dimensional image of her flashed up and
then I saw her morph from 13 to 27. Then they did the same thing with
another person taking them from age 50 to 6. I was told this is only a
small example of what was capable. I started shaking/vibrating violently
(it felt that way at least). The whirring sound got louder and louder. I
started shaking more violently. Then my stomach was blown wide open and
brilliant red 20 foot flames started spewing out. It was very intense
but there was no fear with the experience. Out of the flames rose a HUGE
red man. I realized this was my repressed male red energy - and he was
angry.... He had his fists in the air and was swaying back and forth
pounding his fists. He was also yelling. While he was still doing this
the red flames changed to blue light/smoke that was spewing forth all
around the Red Energy Man. I realized this was all the grief and sadness
that I had stored for 34 years.
Everything went still. I then saw to my right a African man with white
hair and a beard and wearing a loincloth. I walked over to him. I heard
Bwiti (the Ibogaine spirit) say "This is your guide." I asked Bwiti if
I could ask the man his name. I was told I could. The man said "Moka." I
laughed! I told Bwiti I could not have a guide named "Mocha," that was
coffee... As soon as I said that two words flashed up "rebellion" and
"self importance". Then Bwiti got EXTREMELY angry and yelled, "HIS NAME
IS MOKA!!!!! M-O-K-A!!!! MOKA!!!!" I apologized. Moka told me that I
was now in the second phase of my process. He explained, "We had to
remove all your repressed emotions so we could teach you these new
things. The key is to not allow yourself to store so many emotions. What
is important is to speak in the moment so every emotion moves as it
happens. A person should look like this." I then saw the image of a
women walking with a rainbow streaming out of her body. Each color
representing an emotion. There were slight "hills and valleys" to the
rainbow. Moka explained, "Emotions need to be fluid, a cry should come
as easy as a laugh. Some people in your life abuse their emotions by
holding them and expressing them later. They need to live in the now."
I'm not sure of the exact timing of this but at some point the Ibogaine
seemed to have wore off a bit. I was laying in bed thinking, "This is
it? $2000.00 dollars for this? This sucks!!! Ibogaine sucks!"
Then the word "trust" popped up. I thought "O.K. - trust...trust the
experience" The word "listen" popped up. I listened. Two seconds later I
could here the phone ring in the next room. This was the proof I was
looking for... Bwiti said listen and then the phone rang. At that
moment I had a bodily felt reference and total understanding of
shamanism/plant allies/the spirit world and the true power of Ibogaine.
(Conveying all the details and magic with words is difficult.)
Also at this time I was standing with Moka when Bwiti interrupted us and
said "Look!" Suddenly to my right was the Earth. It was about the size
of a large beach ball. Bwiti seemed to be holding the Earth and
literally pushing it right into my face. I then saw a large bulldozer
come over the top of the Earth tearing the Earth in half. As this was
happening I could hear the Earth screaming, "HELP ME!!! PLEASE HELP
ME!!!!!" I was the pushed/shoved to a desk where a blank book was.
Bwiti informed me that I was to write a book called "How to Save the
Earth - A Manifesto for Change". A pen was in my hand and I started
writing down what Moka was saying. The first line was, "Our Earth is
dying." There was other dialog that I cannot remember. I seemed to just
get started and I was told Phase Two was beginning.
Phase Two: Conditioning Awareness Program
Phase two consisted of 100's of scenarios where I was put into a past
situation or a "made-up" one. These events were all done symbolically.
For example: I realized what I was learning was about choice. A week
before my journey the word choice kept popping into my head. I then had
the thought this has come...ahhh....ahhh... I then looked down and there
was a dog running around a concrete ring on the side of a hill... the
phrase "Full Circle" flashed in front of me. It was as if a special way
of teaching had been developed specifically for my being. As I would
walk through each scenario I had to make different decisions. If the
thought was incorrect a sign would flash up with a word describing my
thought/action. The three main words I kept encountering were trust,
rebellion and the phrase "the need to please." Others were: lie,
co-dependence, distraction, fear and several I can't remember. It was
like I was walking down a maze. Wrong thought go the other way... until
you reach "the truth." Through this whole phase Moka was walking with
Phase three: Question and Answer Period
I was then asked by Moka if I had any questions for him. I did. I asked
about emotions. I told him I need to go further into my emotions. He
reminded me that all past emotions had been removed from me. I then
asked what about my parents. I know there has to still be a lot of
energy left around them.
Moka then walked me out to the edge of a giant plateau. We were at the
very edge. In the distance were five grey cubes suspended by a cable
that stretched to the sky. On each cube was a very faint black and white
image of a family member. Moka said, "There is your family, do you feel
anything?" I didn't. No anger. No co-dependence. No energy hooks into
the past. Moka then told me that my emotional healing was going to take
place after the Ibo journey and that my mate was to be my guide. Also
that this emotional healing would be dealing with emotions in the "now,"
not the past. I was also informed that I would need to "relearn what
love is." I was informed that this could be taught with the Ibo but my
task was to learn it on my own.
What followed was an hour or so of Q & A. I would ask a question and I
would get an answer either in the form of a written or verbal message or
in a scenario. For example: I asked the question, "What is the nature of
core healing?" I then found myself falling face first through the sky,
through trees and as I was ready to smash into the dirt I stopped. The
word "earth" appeared in the dirt. The nature of core healing for me was
more earth connection. I asked questions about career, relationships,
future children (which I was shown) ,and explanations of the fantasy
bond and aspect identification. Several of my questions were around
concepts that I had been using prior to the Ibogaine for my own healing.
Concepts that I understood but did not totally grasp. The Ibogaine
allowed me to assimilate these concepts in every cell of my body. Once
again the Ibogaine seems to develop a specific form of teaching that
allows the user to understand things on a whole new level. Ibogaine has
the gift of pure insight.
Phase Three: Redoing the Past
I eventually ran out of questions...... there was a period of
"nothingness." I remember someone coming in to check in on me and me
telling them, "I think it's beginning to wear off." The minute I said
that I was slammed by the Ibogaine. "Never mind," I said.
I found myself in a huge field. In the field were various mounds of
dirt. I was to discover that each mound of dirt was a past event that I
had not fully dealt with. So I spent the next several hours going from
mound to mound redoing my past. I would walk up to a mound, put my hand
on it and a specific scenario would open up. I then got the insight of
what created each event and that I was responsible for the choice I made
in that moment. I also had the opportunity to rechoose each decision or
I asked Moka why I had to go through these past experience if there were
no longer any emotions tied to them. I was told that it was part of my
retraining and to gain wisdom.
Towards the end of this experience I saw myself as a 6 year old boy with
a small wagon behind me. On the wagon was a grey cube similar to the
ones I saw earlier as my family. There was no top to the cube and inside
the cube it was empty. The wagon and cube then turned to a charcoal
shell. Suddenly I saw what seemed to be the hand of Bwiti and it crushed
the wagon and cube. This cube represented the emotional baggage of my
life that I had been hauling around for the past 34 years. When Bwiti
crushed it I felt a wave of sadness and loneliness, I had just lost a
part of myself that I knew quite well. This was followed by a great
sense of freedom from the past.
What followed was a series of what I call "whumpings". The first was my
Mother. The image of her giving birth to me appeared. She was in a
delivery room with her legs in stirrups. I had just "arrived". I could
see my placenta hanging out of her. Bwiti's hand came down and scooped
me up. My Mother turned to charcoal, then a hand came down and "whumped"
her turning her to black dust. All my past girlfriends then appeared in
charcoal form and were "whumped". Bwiti got to one girlfriend that he
could not crush. He tried again. Nothing happened. I felt myself pushed
towards her. There were some unresolved issues with her that had not
been dealt with. I worked them out, saw how I had energy hooks still in
her cleared these, and then she got "whumped".
In writing this now it seems rather heartless and sadistic to have your
Mother and old girlfriends "crushed". But I see this process as a total
completion to the past. I no longer feel the co-depedence with these
To say I gained a thousand new insights would not be an exaggeration. My
life has been forever changed. The strongest message for me was to "slow
down!" I also learned of all the tricks/techniques/distraction I have
developed to avoid feelings. And how I have been addicted to feeling bad
about myself and sabotaging my own life. The fact that I create my own
reality now has a new depth to it. The Ibogaine showed me who I am at my
very core without any conditioning, tied up emotions or energy - my true
essence. It gave me an extended glimpse of what's possible as a
self-actualized human. It then also gave me the tools and training to
achieve this pureness. Ibogaine is not a means to an end. After the
experience you are not "fixed." It is up to me to make the choices, to
use the tools.
Twenty Days Later
During my Ibogaine experience I was given a chance to see myself at my
true essence. Since the journey I have deviated from that true essence-
but not far. The insights gained are still there. Unfortunately so is
all of my conditioning/head trips. But what I have now is a better form
of dealing with these. My life has also slowed down. I find I cannot rev
like I use to. I can't do 6 things at once staying in a state of
perpetual distraction. The phrase, "Be Here Now" pops up frequently. I
am looking into a major career change out of corporate America into some
type of counselling/guide work. My relationship with my fiance has taken
a quantum leap of truth and love. This has been the greatest gift of the
Ibogaine. I am relearning what love is.
Tips for Use
Do not eat for 12 hours prior to the ingestion of the Ibogaine. Do not
drink water for at least 5 hours prior. There is a component of the
Ibogaine that does not want you to get out of bed (or even move!).
To get up to urinate would be extremely difficult for the first 6-8
hours. Your body feels like it weighs about 900 pounds. Also movement =
body spins. I made the mistake of rolling on to my side which produced
10 minutes of the most intense bed spins of my life! So once the
Ibogaine kicks in - Do Not Move!!! I would also recommend keeping noise
to a minimum. My hearing was turned up to the level where I could here a
pin drop five miles away. You hear EVERYTHING. So if you have friends
staying with you silence is the rule. As far as being guided through the
journey I feel it is best to allow the Ibogaine to do that. Keep all
interruptions to a minimum.
The hallucinatory component of the Ibogaine lasted approximately 30
hours for me. They seem to come and go. One minute you can be in
conversation with someone and five minutes later you are seeing jeweled
boxes and binary coding coming out of the ceiling. The hallucinations
are extremely real!!! What I was seeing with my eyes closed I could see
if my eyes were open.
The physical aspect of the Ibogaine lasted approximately 20 hours +. It
has a VERY slow taper effect. At no time did I feel ill or that I had
ingested anything toxic into my body. The Ibogaine felt extremely pure
in my body.
What happened to me was obviously my experience. In conversation with
other friends who have done Ibogaine each experience was unique. Some
friends had little to no hallucinations. One friend got extremely
nauseous. The variety of experience is equivalent to the variety of
personalties. Whatever happens to you is your experience- custom
designed for what you need.